Reha, why did you want us to come to this school event? Said Rena’s mum in a very confused look.
What is this event even about”. Said her dad in a very tired but baffled look. Mum, Dad it is what we’ve been doing for the past two terms and you are calling it boring,this is my work and the whole Kahu’s work. In a very annoyed but sad look like her parents don’t even care about her work.
“Reha I am sorry but what is this? It is literally like people’s home made things made out of cardboard and clay showcased like this is some type of museum, said her mum in a very charismatic tone.
Mum please just look around and not make a fuss. Reha sounded very annoyed at her mum like she did even want to be here.
“IS THAT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR MOTHER” ‘ FUSS’ in a loud tone and a very angry expression thinking what did I raise.
“Oo food, Reha do I have to pay for these cookies”. Reha’s mum sounded very enthusiastic
Mum no I have these TGS notes called beaks and we use these to buy everything at the gala unless you want to use your real money. Reha sounded so proud and like she did a big deal of being a role model to her parents
“NO, why would I want to use my precious money that I work so hard for, now to get me a cookie”“Me too”.
One cookie for mum and one for Dad now I am 2 beaks down.” Come Reha, let’s walk around and see if there is more food”. Said her mum in a really happy tone
“Reha what is this” said her dad in a confused and excited tone
dad it is a bee made out of clay this is what our group made and this is what Kahu 2 and 4 made. It is a planter box for veggies and about the Maramataka.
“What is a Maramataka”? Said her mum and dad in a confused way there faces were really confused
Mum Dad it is the moon phase of when you should go fishing and camping or whatever. Said Reha explaining to her parents even though she would know it wouldn’t make any sence to them
“Ok is that all we can do now is eat dinner and watch India’s Got Talent”. Said her dad in such a rush
NO not yet we still have so much to go and explore and buy. “Ok then lead that way but only one more hour”.
So Mum this is what the Tui (year ⅚)has made. I do not know what this is supposed to be and I do not know the explanation for this so just look and stay confused like me. Oh mum, look at this taco seasoning. When you make nachos or tacos it is already a made spice,but the spice might be a little less for us so we will need to add more to get it to our liking but, should I get it with my beak I want to spend them before they are useless.
“Ok just get it and I will try this at home one day if we get time”.Now Reha is there anything else, or can we go.
Fine there is nothing eles to do so let’s go.
you cant evan read it change the flower wallpaer thingy
i dont no what good thing to say beqacsue i cant read it
Hey Barleen, this blog has great potential and the narrative is flowing and creative. Although, I think you can work on adding dialogue, as that is essential to narratives (using quotation marks “”). Also, it would be great if you could clearly state what sort of perspective you are writing from (sometimes it’s first, sometimes third, I can’t really tell). A strong sense of specific nouns are also very important, especially if you are describing an event as fun as the gala. But great job!
You used a great use of punctuation!
You started off with a strong introduction by clearly showing what your topic is.
Something you would need to work on is your summary but you did a great job on your blog.
I liked the way you made some parts of the text all capital letters. One thing you can work on is punctuation, like fullstops, exclamation marks and comma’s because when I read your blog I saw lots of sentences that needed proper punctuation.
Hey Barleen, this is a very funny writing piece. Next time don’t use the word tone so much and said, you used it a bit to much, also maybe include more punctuation.
great writing Barleen. you had really hooking writing i wish i didn’t end i feel like this would be really realistic for some children and there parents but great writing
Hi Barleen,
I like how you separated your writing into equal paragraphs. However, next time, you consider adding an introduction and concluding sentence. Also, some parts you haven’t added speech marks and full stops.
Hi Barleen I just wanted to say that your writing is very well written. It includes great vocabulary and a lot of enthusiasm throughout your writing . Something that you could improve on is probably your punctuation anyways good job on your writing
Hey Barleen, this is a very funny writing piece. Next time don’t use the word tone so much and said, you used it a bit to much, also maybe include more punctuation. Overall barleen well done!