Ahoy Mateys!
By Gurpreet Gill
Once upon a time there was animals cruising on a pirate ship,
They were on route to Buckingham Palace to steal gold and the Queen’s crown.
They were hit by drip and started to trip,
They came across a town and saw a frown .
The man was as sad as people are at a funeral .
The animals had finally arrived at Buckingham Palace after a decade of series of events,
They saw a crown that they could use to make a frown.
They got by hit by a pole which gave them some dents,
Captain lion said ‘Matey’s Barge in’ as the animals barged in they kicked a clown.
POW! POW! The animal pirates were being shot at so they turned around,
They ran as fast as a cheetah and hopped back on their ship and just then Captain Lion got shot!
But the queen’s soldiers did not give up they shot a 100 million bullets a second and everyone got a wound!
Just then boat started to sink, in seconds it was halfway in the water which lead to the animals being caught.
The End
Feather 1. I really loved the rhyming that you used in your writing.
Feather 2. Also I really liked your imagination. It was really cool that the animals are trying to steal a crown.
Wings 3. In your writing some lines didn’t make sense ;The man was as sad as people are at a funeral. Was the man a person from the town or the boat? But the rest was awesome!
Thank you for the feedback, I will work on making my lines make sense next time and the man was from the town.