The Night Sky
Admiring The Night Sky,
Where the bright stars lie, up high.
You caught my eye, had me so sly.
I don’t know how you have me waiting for a reply!
When you look at the pitch black sky, you’re in denial,
Why is it that you’re so vile?
Is my eyesight alright?
All I see is white.
Where are my 6 sisters? Have they gone without me?
I wait for you,
Looking at The Night Sky.
You never thought about why,
You only think about the other stars,
Could this be our last goodbye?
12 thoughts on “The Night Sky – Poem , PIEED Rubric”
Succeed: your poem is so beautiful and touching I loved how you added punctuation to your poem so it could be more understandable and clear.
Nurture: I love how you can easily understand the whole idea and point of this poem.
Grow: maybe next time add some space below the title and subheading also add your name 🤷♀️
Thank you for the feedback, I’ll be sure to improve with the things you said for me to improve on. 💗
Feather: this is so beautiful and engaging! Amazing use of language and words.
Feather: I love how you rhymed the words to express a flowing feeling in the poem.
Wings: perhaps next time, add some clear subheadings if you’re switching POVs!
Will do! 💗
Hi Ha Lan!
I really enjoyed this poem,
And most of it all rhymed.
I also liked the meaning of the poem.
Great work Ha Lan!
Dayton Watson-Taumata.
Thanks Dayton 🙂
Hi Ha Lan,
I admire how your poem is so well executed. It has a lot of thought when it comes to the rhyming and meaning. All I can say is that the rhythm of your poem is not very consistent and needs more flow. Think about what kind of affect your poem puts on the reader and write according to that. Overall, it’s a great start.
-Riam
Thank you! I’ll be sure to fix it 🙂
I like how you put it in separate parts and use rhyming, the detail and hard work you put into this is really good.
Thank youu 🫶
Amazing this is good as a song I know that because I sang it, the spelling was good and it made sense it was just perfect.
Good poem 😎 its rhymes well and sounds nice 🔥🔥🔥, you should try to make the last sentences of every paragraph rhyme but it’s very good 🔥🔥🔥💯😎