As I head towards the the sight,
I get a shock with fright..
Should I do it?
Should I not?
As everyone screams my name and yells,
I go further away from Earth.
But, I would be the first person to see,
What a black hole would truly be.
Closer, closer, and closer…
What about my family?
What about my friends?
Oh well..it’s about to end…
3…2…1….BAM!
Everything is blury,
Oh I just have to worry!
Then, everything turns dark.
Wait…what is this spark?
I foresee a flash in my eyes,
I see shiny dots just like fireflies.
Is everything about to end?
As they send someone to come save me,
But, can you really blame me?
I am still conscious, low in oxygen,
But then…silence..
I like how immersive your poem is— in first person, the character is constantly asking questions in their mind with curiosity, like how most people do in real life.
Great work on keeping your poem consistent with rhyming, even better is that the sentences all make sense too and don’t have random words in them used JUST to rhyme!
To improve, I think you could definitely describe the scenery around this character for more context on what is happening; is the pit of darkness a metaphor for death? Is it a big black hole in the ground? Or is the person in space, with an actual black hole. For me, I think the protagonist is in space, and if so, why was there a loud “BAM!” when they interacted with the black hole?
Without a doubt you did an amazing job with this masterpiece! ʕ•ᴥ•ʔ ♥︎