Waking up to my alarm at 5:00 am in the morning, as I step out of bed I feel the rush of excitement flow throughout my body. I think what I need to do before I get in the car to Whitianga, “ah! Yes my hairbrush and toothbrush how could I forget” I say inside my mind as I walk towards my bathroom gathering my stuff.Â
At 5:30 and I’m on the road to Whitianga, I lay my head against my pillow and listen to my parents talking as I fall off to sleep. I wake up to listen to music and see signs and a small town in Whitianga. I was filled with excitement while staring out my window to view the shops and cafe food I’ve been craving for almost 2 hours. I jump out the car stretching my legs and arms as I’ve been sitting for hours.
Once we arrived at the hotel I was so exhausted and had to wait an additional 20 minutes for my parents to get our room keys and view the place. Finally! I jump into the bed that makes me feel like it’s been waiting for me! I then was rudely interrupted as we had to go shopping to get some food but that’s one of the things I’m good at so I wasn’t too angry about that.Â
The next day I woke up early and rumbled through my bag to find my outfit I would wear for that day. As I changed ,brushed my hair and teeth I went to ask my parents what we were doing today and when I heard what we were doing I was so excited. Once the time came I was so happy I got ready and hoped into the car. Once we got there I waited patiently until our boat came, I hoped on and looked at the sting rays flying through the water. Once we got out far enough we started going fast and I mean really fast. Soon after we slowed down and looked at some of the island rocks with images formed from the rocks. I was filled with enjoyment but later feeling sadness filled inside me when we were travelling back to the dock. Although I was sad for a little bit I had the best time of my life.
I like how you used appropriate pronouns in your writing. I also like how you used a lot of punctuation to make sure your writing makes sense. One thing you could work on is maybe using more description words for ur holiday.
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Wing: I like the way you are narrating it and making it seem like the reader is right there with you!
Wing: It is really cool haw you use lots of detail and exiting words with exclamation marks
Feather: I think you should have said where you were going at the start so the reader would be exited about it too.
This is a very good piece I don’t think there is anything you should change or do differently in the future as this is pretty good
Thanks
great job this is a good story
Your writing was great as the dialogue really helps to shapes the characters and the detail is great. What you could work on is the punctuation. For example: “As I changed ,brushed my hair and teeth” when it could be better wrote as “ As I changed, brushed my hair and teeth” great blog overall.
Hi Lily-Jean. This was such an interesting blog! I loved hearing about your holiday, it sounds so fun! They way you used descriptive words were so creative. Next time you could check spelling mistakes such as hoped = hopped as it’s easier to understand. Otherwise, great job!! 👏
Thanks