WELCOME TO ANDY’S ASTONISHING ASTROPARK!!! Boomed out of the gazillion speakers. I was going to Andy’s Astonishing Astropark, the best theme park in the ENTIRE WORLD! When Quinn, Ethan and I finally got to the front of the line, Ethan asked “Hey guys, didn’t the two previous best theme parks in the world explode?” “Oh, I forgot about that.” I replied. “Anyways, I can’t wait to go on that spaceship ride!” Quinn said as he tried to shout over the noise.
Once we got our tickets, (which were insanely expensive.) we went straight to the spaceship ride named the “Interstellar expedition” which is the world’s highest roller coaster! The line for it stretched all the way to the entrance. We decided we would go back to it later. When we were walking through the theme park, we heard a loud BANG! We looked up just in time to see a fake rocket ship flying towards us!! “Duck!!” I shouted as loud as I could. “Where is the duck?” Said Ethan, as he looked toward me. Thankfully, that slight movement made him dodge a piece of a wing!!! Thankfully nobody was hurt. (Except one person, ironically, it was the safety inspector)
Eventually, we found a map with all the rides on it, and decided to go to the bumper carts. On the way to the bumper carts, we got some cotton candy and hot chips. When we finally got to the bumper carts, they were closed because yesterday there was a technical malfunction, causing them to rampage around the park. We found another map, but we couldn’t decide on which one to go to. It suddenly started raining so we all went inside to the food court, which was next to the bumper carts. Ethan, Quinn and I ordered some more chips along with some pizza. Little did we know that the roof of the bumper cart building had leaks, and water seeped through onto the controls of the bumper carts!
Suddenly! The bumper carts came BURSTING THROUGH THE WALLS!!! They caused chaos and destruction!! The bumper carts somehow got double sided knives sticking out of the front!! (Don’t ask me why they had double sided knives) Quinn, Ethan and I built a fort of tables to protect ourselves! THUK!! THUK!! THUCK!! Suddenly three knives were stuck into our table-fort!! The bumper cart turned away pulling one of the tables away! Quinn suddenly picked up a knife and threw it right into the engine! Ethan and I followed suit and started throwing knives too! (Never throw a knife unless you are a trained professional) Soon, all of the rampaging bumper carts of destruction were destroyed by their own weapons!! After an awkward moment of silence, everyone exited the food court like nothing happened. (None were hurt)
We went to the exit of the park, but on the way there we were pulled aside by the manager. He took us to a office and told us we need to pay a fine for destroying park property! Ethan hastily replied, “Well we didn’t see you doing anything!” The manager told us to exit the park immediately! We went out and didn’t even have to pay the fine!!! On the way back Quinn said he saw some flammable gas leaking in the kitchen.” I replied “I didn’t see anyone turn off the stoves either.” We looked at each other. As if on cue, there was a GIGANTIC EXPLOSION behind us!!
The end.
I like it it had lot of Paragraphs and punctuation and it had Ethan Quinn and you Tom but I wish it had waka me or josh
Hi, I added Quinn and Ethan because they were doing the same prompt.
yeah
Tom. I did my first comment so yeah
1. i really like the story you were doing and it was really funny
2 .I really liked the expression you had in it by make some words bold to its big think for the story
What you could word on is taking to me about how amazing you writing is
Good writing but in the sentence, Thankfully nobody was hurt. (Except one person, ironically, it was the safety inspector) i think you can add the full stop at the end of the bracketed word. Also i don’t think you needed to make the middle part bold.
Hi, I didn’t realise I bolded it.
its not bold silly
Very intreating writing really hooked me in
It was very lucky that you guys never got hurt
Maybe next time try to do a non fiction text 🙂
I enjoyed all the talking and speaking people were doing and how fun reading this narrative was let’s hope the safe inspector was ok tho.
no safe inspector must go to jail for doing his job
you made up for know one getter hurt with evryone exploding
oh yea i have to edit my text now because you said that BOTH parks exploded so know i need to change my ending
and it was a good text but you took the excitement to the next level and chucked normal excitement into the water and replaced it with the boom boom pow
Great job Thomas, I liked the different kinds of punctuation you used and the different kinds of exciting sentence starters to make it even more interesting! I think you should work on Structure and Language since the language you used for this wasn’t very logical, but if it’s meant to be like that then you did very well! Keep up the great work! 💗